Wednesday, January 8, 2014

January IWSG: Working Through Grief

Hello friends! I hope this post finds you all well and healthy in the New Year. There's something magical about the beginning of a new year. January usually brings out the urge to create in me. This year is different, though.

On Christmas Day, my mother passed away unexpectedly in her sleep. The results from an autopsy aren't back yet, but I'm guessing it was her heart. She was sixty-two. We had a lovely memorial service for her last Friday, but the pain and loss is still weighing heavy on my siblings and me. 

I contemplated even posting this month, and as I sit here writing this post for January's Insecure Writer's Support Group , I am certain some of you have been where I am. This empty, dark place that seems to drain every ounce of creativity I have. All I want to do is lounge around, read, watch TV, and sleep. I know at some point, I'll have to get up and dust off my britches and push forward. 

I haven't written a single word since she passed. I don't know if it's normal or not, but when I sit down, my brain is filled with fog and all I do is stare out the window. Normally, I can write through stressful moments; this feels different. My nerves are raw, and my heart aches.

My fear (or insecurity) is not getting a grip on my creativity again. Will my desire to write come back to me?

Three days ago, I decided to pick up another novel I wrote a year ago and began working on some revisions. I'm finding it a bit easier than trying to write. The novel is a new adult romance mystery with a quirky female protag. I actually found myself giggling at the draft yesterday.

I'm ordering Denise Jaden's  WRITING WITH A HEAVY HEART this week. I'm hoping it'll give me a few pointers in using writing to deal with my own grief, while also helping me use my grief and loss and turn it into something productive.

To check out what the Insecure Writer's Support Group is all about, click on the link above. :)

I hope to be back next month with a more upbeat, supportive post. 

Until then...

Write on~


23 comments:

  1. Hi Canduylynn,
    I know exactly how you feel. It's extremely difficult to do anything when you're grieving for a loved one. When my dad passed away, I couldn't really function well at all. But, as time goes on you heal a little and you realize the person you miss would want you to carry on. No one can take away the memories you had with your mom. No one can remove her from your heart, where she will always remain. In time, things will get a bit easier. We all keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

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  2. I'm so sorry! Prayers and thoughts with you and your family. I don't know what would be considered normal, but I imagine it will take a while before you feel like returning to anything. Give yourself time to heal. If editing is easier, just do that.

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  3. Candilynn. I'm not sure if any words will bring you a measure of peace at this time, but I hope you will accept mine as I humbly offer my condolences on the passing of your mother. I felt the same way as you described in your post after losing my sister on December 19th three years ago. Grief is all consuming! It sucked the desire or want to do anything right out of me. It took quite some time before I was able to pick myself up and go on again.

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  4. Have you ever tried to taste with your tongue that's been scalded? Your taste receptors have been seared. Your heart has been deeply seared, and we write with our hearts. Wounded hearts mend slowly but they do mend.

    I lost my own mother just a few years back, and I know in some small way the deep grief you are feeling. Your reactions are normal. Your grief will stay with you for some time. The healing is slow like the moving of a clock's minute hand. You won't seem to be able to see it happening, but you will heal. Finally, you will be able to think of your mother without it hurting quite so badly.

    You will look at the words you want to edit and realize you've been staring at them for a long time. It might help you if you pull back for awhile. Write in a journal if you want to stay in the habit of writing. Putting your grief down on paper may help. Whatever helps you heal most, do that. You are in my heart and on my mind, Roland

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My Dad died almost 3 years ago, and at the time, I thought I would never feel anything again--I was numb for a long time, and it was very hard to find the energy to do anything but the most basic tasks.

    But... The painful, beautiful truth is that life goes on. You will learn how to navigate this new reality. And eventually, your creative spark will flare to life again. It hasn't burned out--it's an ember, glowing under the ashes of your grief.

    My advice is to let yourself experience your grief. Don't try to get back to 'normal' right away, and don't punish yourself for not feeling okay right now. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts (((hugs)))

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  6. My sincere sympathies, Candilynn. I can't say I know how you feel despite losing both my parents because no one can really know how you feel. Take care of yourself.

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  7. I'm so very very sorry. My sincere sympathies to your entire family.

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  8. So sorry to hear of your mothers passing, and the sadness that has gripped you. You'll push through.

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  9. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, I can't imagine what you're going through. The writing will come back to you eventually, but it's going to take some time. The editing is a good idea, it should ease you back into it.

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  10. Oh, Candilynn...

    Chills are running up my spine... I am SO SORRY. Losing a loved one on Christmas has to be horrible. Especially when not expected.

    I can relate. My mom passed unexpectedly too... She was only 66 ... Way too young, like your mom.

    Your reaction is COMPLETELY NORMAL... losing yourself in movies, books, spacing is a very healthy way to cope. You are still in shock. And will be for quite a while. You're writing WILL come back to you. Don't force it though. Take your time to heal.

    Your mom's spirit is with you. Look for it. Talk to her. She will help you move on. My mom's spirit was present for a few weeks after she had died. When I was living again, she moved on.

    Take care.

    Hugs,

    Michael

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  11. So sorry to hear about your mom, Candilynn. My mom passed at the age of 63, but my dad at such the young age of 49. Experiencing grief is different for everyone. Sounds like you are doing all healthy things. Keep strong.

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  12. So sorry to hear of your sudden and unexpected loss. Do take the time to allow yourself to heal. My thoughts are with you at this very sad time for you and your family.

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  13. I'm so sorry for your loss Candilynn. I lost my mother two years ago right after Thanksgiving and also suddenly. I don't exactly know what your feeling but I know you are hurting. Will be praying for you and your family. Someone told me just get through each moment, then an hour will pass, then days, etc. Eventually things get better, though never the same as before.

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  14. I feel for you. 62 years is not old. Giggling at your story draft is a very good start to recovery from grief, as is laughing in general. Wishing you more laughter and restored joy.

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  15. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope and pray for lots of comfort on you and your family. May 2014 bring you reasons for joy.

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  16. Oh my gosh... so young... Candilynn, I'm in shock. I can't imagine going through what you are right now. I'm so very, very sorry. :/

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  17. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father a few years ago and struggled to find a desire to write. It comes back. My sorrow never fades, it just becomes easier to manage. Good luck to you and your siblings. This is a hard time for everyone of you.

    Leanne ( http://readfaced.wordpress.com/ )

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  18. Oh Candilynn, I wish I could hug you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your creativity will never entirely leave you, even if it seems like it's left for a bit while you heal and grieve. I will be praying for you.

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  19. Hi Candilynn, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
    http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/

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  21. ^ that comment was a mess. take two...

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's passing :*( Hope you're able to pull yourself out of the fog and get back to your daily routine but nobody would blame you if you're not there yet. Write when it feels right, and not a minute sooner. I wish I had something more appropriate or helpful to say, but I've never experienced anything similar and everyone grieves differently. Take care Candilynn, we're all thinking of you.

    p.s. I know I'm late to comment here but I've had an unexpected snow day and I'm using it to catch up on blogs (my bosses get very angry when I do this on company time)

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  22. Hi Candilynn. I hope you're doing much better and have taken the time to heal. Be gentle with yourself. That book sounds like it will help you a lot. Take care. XO

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  23. I'm so sorry for your loss, Candilynn. I have not yet had to go through the passing of a parent, so I can't even imagine, but I do understand the affect of stressful situations on my writing and not being able to focus, feeling lethargic and zombie-like. I hope you're starting to feel better. I know how passionate you are about your writing, so you'll get back to it. But there's no rush; taking time off to heal is a good thing.

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