Thursday, January 5, 2012

January's Insecure Writer's Group Thoughts

A few months back, I joined Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Group . Alex hosts a monthly blog check-in where we can vent our writerly insecurities without guilt or feeling like we're whiners. Permission to post our thoughts, feelings, fears, and on the flip side, offer support to others in the same situations. Thanks, Alex for hosting the group!!!

It's January 2012, the start of what I feel is going to be a spectacular year! I just have a feeling something big is heading my way. I'm not sure what, but at least I've got my big girl britches on today and feeling good. I did have a bit of a set-back (a literal slap in the face) last week with my current PB, but I'll deal with it. Somehow.

Now, I will lead you down Pity Pot Street, if only just for this post!

Yesterday, I finally received some much dreaded confirmation of an issue I've been suffering from for quite some time. Since August, my pain as been constant. Every day. All day. According to my MRI results from last week's test, it shows I suffered an injury to my cervical spine somewhere in my young adult life. To my knowledge, I don't recall an incident. I did suffer a horse accident six years ago, but the doctor says the injury would've been earlier in my life.

Along with a few other insignificant bone spurs and two other bulging discs, my C5-C6 area shows a "rather large" bone spur (6mm) coupled with a herniated disc, pressing into my spinal cord. No amount of chiro, acupressure, acupuncture or massage therapy will remove the bone spur says the Spinal MD. Surgery it is. At least I finally have confirmation that I'm not making it all up. The constant pain, numbness, tingling, shocking spasms and weakness in both arms and hands is not a figment of my imagination.

I meet with the Neuro Surgeon in a few weeks to go over my options. They've also ordered an EMG, Electromyography, a test which will determine my nerve and muscle function. I'm not exactly thrilled about sitting through the nerve test, which feels like several bee stings.

What does this mean for my future in writing. Nada, nada enchilada. Am I scared? Yeah, a bit. But, if I must, I will learn to type with my toes. Heck, don't they have voice-to-text nowadays for Word? I think my writing will prevail. According to the doctor yesterday, I can't say as much for the threat of permanent paralysis or the loss of my bodily functions...Yikes. 2nd opinion before surgery, definitely. But, I won't wait too long, as it's went on long enough.

There you have my current writerly fear in a nutshell. I wish y'all the best in 2012. May your writerly awesomeness rock the literary world this year.


  1. Oh my gosh, Candy... I'm so sorry to hear this! :( I'd be quite scared. I'm sure everything will go well though. There's got to be a bit of relief since now you know what it is.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. It's perfectly normal to be very concerned in your situation Candy - one never expects things like this to happen to us, but I am convinced you will prevail and your goals be achieved!

  3. Thanks, Kelley! And yes, I'm relieved to finally discover what's been wrong with me. It's been a frustrating last few months. I appreciate your sweet thoughts and prayers!

    Elizabeth, thank you so much for your sweet thoughts!!

  4. Think positive! At least you know it's something that can be taken care of and you don't have to live with the pain forever.

  5. Definitely time for a second opinion, Candy. See if there are external manipulations or massages that can relieve the pain. It is definitely an anxiety-producing situation. Do not rush. Ask your friends and family about alternative health options.

    My prayers are with you. I followed you from Lauren's blog. If you have the time, check out my Insecure Writer Support post. It begins with the ghost of Will Rogers riding a bucking Aurora Borealis. How different is that? LOL.

    You also have a new follower - Roland

  6. Thanks, Alex!!

    Roland, as stated in my post, because the bone spur, along with herniation, is pressing into spinal cord, any external manipulation could cause the spur to puncture the spinal cord. As I agree with you in obtaining a second opinion and not rushing into surgery, this has been going on for years now. The numbness / pain in the hands was diagnosed as carpel tunnel five years ago, along with "a pulled muscle" in the left & right scapula areas. I should be a walking anti-inflammatory capsule at this point. lol! I thank you kindly for your comments!!! Please know, I will consider all of my options in the following appointments in the next several weeks.

    I'm off to check out your blog. So very nice to meet you!

  7. So sorry to hear - health comes first. Here's what I've learned during my physical setbacks - only write if it brings you joy and eases your suffering. It will be there when you get back. You may find a different type of writing will be what you need. Listen to your achy body and your heart and you'll know what to do. And good luck!

  8. Thanks for your kind words, Suze! :))