Friday, December 31, 2010

To all the jobs I've had before...

Thank you for making me well-rounded!

My husband of over twenty years and I were driving home from dinner the other night. We were discussing my newest employment endeavor. Of course, he always has to throw in the, “I hope you find something new soon, because I can’t afford to send you to trapeze artist school.” As IF they had a school for that.

I grew agitated when he began recalling all of the jobs or trainings I’ve had since I became a working class citizen. I crossed my arms, pursed my lips and stared out the window. I do this when I’m irritated with him or when he listens to talk radio while were traveling, which makes me want to poke my eyeballs out with a splintered stick.

My J-o-b-s are listed chronologically below: (I will mention here, I’ve only been fired once, but hired back the next day when my boss came to his senses. So, I like to say I've never been fired!)

Grocery store cashier
Sandwich princess at Subway
Assistant at a printing press (yes, I actually helped run the machines)
House cleaner
Receptionist at a car dealership
File clerk in same dealership
Geisha girl in Japanese Karaoke bar (while we were stationed in Okinawa)
Leasing consultant (for all of 42 days)
Cashier at a hardware store (they hired me 5 months pregnant!)
Day-care teacher of schoolers (lasted 9 days, my child got extremely ill there!)
Receptionist at a title company
Real Estate assistant (quit after he wrote me a hot paycheck!)
Orthodontist assistant
Mommy a 2nd time!
Avon Representative (lasted 4 months—spent more than I made)
Master Gardner class
Gardener / Sales at garden shop
Real Estate assistant (same agent, what? People deserve 2nd chances!)
Sales Representative for an ad-specialty company
Gardener / Sales at garden shop (again)
Jr. College (wanted to be a teacher)
Substitute teacher
Teacher aide for kindergarten
Teacher aide for resource / special education
Yoga teacher training
Yoga instructor
Library Assistant (until October 2010)

Let’s just say while he was busy reminiscing and laughing and trying desperately to remember all of my previous jobs, he forget seven of the above which I’ve included for my own enjoyment. The holiday lights I observed out the car window that evening lifted my spirits, plus, I knew deep down his comments were all in fun.

I am sitting here tapping away at the computer on December 31, 2010 and thinking of all the wonderful jobs I’ve been given the opportunity to have. I’m still a mom, a gardener, a writer and a yoga instructor. These four occupations are the upmost fulfilling for me as a human being. Think about it. Find a job that makes you jump up and down.

Being a mother, I get the ultimate enjoyment in life of watching my two beautiful daughters grow into incredible people. It’s one of the toughest and rewarding jobs in the world. My job as a mother is never finished, I’m always on-call and my only payment is the love I see in their eyes and watching them succeed. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

As a gardener, I’m an artist. A creator. Gardening, like mothering, is rewarding. I only choose to garden at home now, so, I don’t get paid for it. My payoffs come in the spring when my roses stop traffic on the highway in front of our home.

Writing…ah, writing. Writing is how I spell r-e-l-i-e-f. It’s an escape, a chance for my creativity to explore the cavernous corners of my imaginative brain. Plus, I can get paid for it!

Yoga. Is there a more peaceful word? Say it aloud. Yoga. Don’t you just want to slide into downward facing dog? I’m about to embark on my newest employment endeavor I mentioned at the beginning of this post. Once again, I go back to yoga where I can share with others the beauty of the ancient practice. If I was rich, I’d teach it for free. But, I’m not.

There you go, sweet husband of mine, look at my long list of jobs and weep (or leap!) because you’ve only had five.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to...

there's a (slight) chance i might be going to hell by Laurie Notaro
A novel of
sewer pipes,
pageant queens,
and big trouble

Note: First of all, the title of the book is written in all lowercase letters on the cover. This is no error on my review. I listened to the unabridged production on audio. People looked at me funny while I listened to it in my car. I suppose it was slightly curious to see a woman driving alone completely losing it in laughter while sitting at a red light.

This book seems to have it all, minus one thing, romance. Unless you consider a healthy relationship with a canine lover romantic. Maye Roberts, the main character of this novel, is a hoot! Her and her husband, Charlie, move to the quaint (bizarre) town of Spaulding, Washington when Charlie is offered a teaching position at a small northwestern university. In less than a week, Maye has offended her neighbor by putting recyclable items in the trashcan (Oh my!), let her sweet love-of-a-pup attack the hedge-leaping mail carrier, been caught stripping down to her bra at the home of Dean Spaulding (What? She got hot!), and unwittingly hooked up with a Gothic Wiccan book club. Where she barely escaped before being bathed, dusted with glitter and stripped naked before a bonfire.

She is nearly banished from the town when she declares herself a vegetarian and joins "Vegging Out," the elite vegetarian group of Spaulding. Her reasoning for joining the group is, well, "cows are pretty". This hair-brained idea ends tragically when she's caught chomping down on a filet mignon at a local hoity-toity restaurant. Needless to say, she's kicked out of the veggie club.

Her only chance of survival in this peculiar, small town is entering the annual Sewer Pipe Queen Pageant, a kooky but dead-serious local tradition open to contestants of all ages and genders. Aided by a fire-breathing, crusty former pageant queen with one eyebrow, Maye uncovers a mystery that's plagued the town for decades.

Can you say, a rollicking tale? I haven't laughed this hard in a very, very long time. This one gets a "Superstar!" rating.